American joke

I used to hear a lot of jokes about Americans, Germans and Russians that have to solve the same problem their own way. Now, I've finally found a joke about Russians in American blogs.

The CIA wanted to introduce a spy into Russia. They figured he’d have to be able to speak perfect Russian, drink massive amounts of vodka without passing out, and play the balalaika. They finally found one volunteer who could do all three and sent him to Moscow.

When he arrived he found the Russian equivalent of a bar and started talking to the bartender in perfect colloquial Russian. After a few minutes the bartender said, “You’re not Russian.”

“Not Russian?” said the agent. “Watch this.” He guzzled a couple of liters of vodka without showing any effect. “Very impressive,” said the bartender, “but you’re not Russian.”

“How can you doubt me?” asked the agent. “Watch this.” He took a balalaika from the wall and played a succession of Russian folk songs perfectly. “You play great,” said the bartender, “but you’re not Russian.”

“I speak perfect Russian, play the balalaika, and guzzle vodka as only a Russian can,” said the agent. “How can you say I’m not Russian?”

“There are no black Russians.”